By Lynne Grote Breil, CSP (Etiquette Expert and Columnist)
A couple of years ago a family member got married and, true to that person’s nature, they wanted to be unique from the get-go. The result however, was a huge frenzy of bad taste and miscommunication starting with the invitations.
In this case, the invitations were handmade and although the fundamental idea of the invitation was well-intended, the unfortunate occurrences unfolded:
- The invitation in its size and design was fashioned after a ‘formal declaration’ and did not reflect the all-too-casual theme of the wedding.
- The invitations were mailed in large cardboard canisters that would be appropriate for mailing prints or posters. Many invitations were never received (several to Aunts and Uncles, and other close family members including Grandparents). So, these people were not sure if they were really invited and unfortunately, most of them were from out-of-town and needed to make travel arrangements. This only created some bad feelings and embarrassment.
- There was no clear indication on the invitation of which family members in the household were invited to the wedding, and whether or not guests were to be included. Many people were confused but were not comfortable contacting the sender to get clarification.
- A couple of invitations were hand-delivered at the last minute. Ooops!
- The RSVP was an e-mail address only. No phone number was provided and our dear family member was notoriously lax in answering their personal e-mails.
So, I’m inspired to write about the protocol of wedding invitations…
Let’s start with some old-fashioned protocol: Never print addresses with a computer. Wedding invitations should be addressed by hand, and that includes both the outside and inside envelopes. Weddings are extremely intimate and personal events, and your invitations should reflect that intimacy, whether the wedding is casual or informal. Savvy brides will enlist the help of their Moms, bridesmaids, or friends (actually anyone who has nice handwriting) to help them with the task. This is a subtle way to reflect good personal taste and politeness.
Here are some tips for properly addressing your invitees:
- For couples who are not married but live together: Send a single invitation. Remember, they are a couple. Address it the same way you’d address the invitation of a married couple with different last names – alphabetically, on separate lines on the outer envelope.
- For couples who do not live together: Technically you should send two separate invitations, but it’s not a horrible mistake to send one to the person you’re closer to, with both names listed alphabetically on the outer envelope.
- For couples with professional titles: If the woman is a doctor and the man is not, the woman’s name is listed first. Outer envelope: “Dr. Kate Johnson and Mr. Brian Johnson”. The inner envelope should read “Dr. Johnson and Mr. Johnson”. If both couples are doctors, the outer envelope and inner envelopes would be addressed to: “The Doctors Steinmetz”.
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Invitations to single individuals:
Technically, you’re never supposed to write “and Guest”. Instead, you should take the time to find out the name of the significant other and include that name on the invitation. If you decide to have a small wedding, you’re probably not going to invite everyone to bring a guest. Most guests will understand that without the “and Guest” on the invitation, it’s meant for them alone. But you may have a clueless soul reply for two. If that is the case, call them up and explain that you’re having an intimate wedding and, unfortunately, you were not able to invite everyone with a guest.
Wording, addressing, and sending wedding invitations can be a tough nut to crack, but hopefully these tips will help you avoid some concerns and confusion.
We welcome your other questions, concerns, or rants. Weddings are supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime event, so we understand that you want everything to be perfect.
Lynne Grote Breil is an etiquette expert with 20 years experience speaking and writing on the topic of Etiquette and Communications. Her articles on business etiquette and communications have appeared in numerous publications, and her experience on the public-speaking circuit have made her a recognized resource on the topic both in local radio and television. She can be reached at 717-755-3333, or at www.theprofessionaledgeinc.com.
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etiquette,
invitation addressing,
invitation etiquette,
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Wedding Invitations
Etiquette