Happily Ever After
Are you planning the most important part of your Wedding?
Bruce R. McCracken, Ph.D. president House on the Rock Family Ministries
You’re making thousands of decisions, some as detailed as the color of the toothpicks that will serve your savory meatballs. You’re spending countless hours and energy on a ceremony, reception and honeymoon that you will treasure for ever. It’s natural for you to want the best dress and the coolest invitations; but now it is time to take the next step.
How are you planning to experience the dream of “living happily ever after?” Now, as you both are preparing for the big day, is the best time to start preparing to live together as husband and wife. Couples who develop good family life skills have successful marriages. So a few hours planning and preparing for your lifetime together can be the best wedding plans you will both make.
So let’s get started. You want to look for a program that covers these areas:
Communication Skills: communication is to your marriage what blood is to your bodies. Blood carries the nutrients that feed our bodies and hauls out the waste to keep us healthy. In our world of quick tweets and texts we’ve lost some of the ability to have conversations that will maintain relationships and build intimacy.
Financial Issues: Money issues are one of the top two causes of divorce. It’s important to begin thinking about and planning your new family budget. Who will manage the checkbook? How do you feel about spending, saving, giving and going into debt?
Conflict Resolution: Don’t be naive … you and your future spouse will have conflicts. John Gottman, a marriage expert, says that a couple’s ability to resolve conflict is a great predictor of marriage success. So this is a skill that you want to master. Let’s be honest. If the two of you are having trouble resolving conflict now … what makes you think it will get better after you’re married?
Faith and Values Compatibility: For some this is no problem. For others it can be a big issue. Few things drive us more than our core values and beliefs. So, it’s important that you’re aware of what really drives who you both are. The wise adage: “Do not be unequally yoked,” is worth thinking about for those who hold strong beliefs.
Family of Origin Issues: News Flash! You’re not the only ones getting married! Years of family “baggage” waits at the altar and walks down the aisle too! You’ve learned most of what you know about being married by watching your parents’ marriages. If they’re strong and healthy … you’re fortunate. If they weren’t … you have potential obstacles to overcome. These are good to deal with before the “waiting and walking.”
Role Expectations: What are you expecting from your new husband? Is he aware of those expectations? Have you talked through them? What is he expecting from you? Don’t wait until you’ve tied the knot to have your expectations shattered.
Goal setting and planning: The couple who fails to plan … plans to fail. What do you want your life as a couple to look like in 1, 3, 5, 10, 25 years? How many children do you want to have? What about careers or future education? What are you going to do to maintain and enrich your marriage?
The value in planning is priceless in every aspect of your life. Pre-Marriage preparing isn’t a long process, especially if you feel you’re both starting out with a solid foundation and only need some clarifications and goal-setting. If there is “baggage”, the process could take more time. Completing this process will allow you both to be so much more as life partners and you canembrace the Dream of Living Happily Ever After!
House on the Rock Family Ministries can help you find a good program. Contact us at:info@hotrfm.org
Continue to look for our column on line at Weddings Year Round and in Weddings Year Round Magazine coming this year.
Click Here to view Bruce R. McCracken's bio.
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